About Dating
Healthy Relationships
Relating & Dating
Relating & Dating Under the Influence
Violence
Healthy Relationships
Many of us can probably visualize our idea of the “perfect
relationship.” It is more important, however, to aspire to a healthy
relationship comprised of the following four principles:
When two people are in a
relationship, there should be mutual respect for each person as an individual.
Having a healthy, respectful relationship means that each partner values the
other and what is important to them.
Honesty about what we want in a
relationship can be challenging. Many people often hide or mute their own
feelings and values because they do not want to jeopardize their relationship.
However, being honest with yourself and your partner demonstrates respect
for each other.
Trust in a relationship means that
you can expect the other person to be a support to you and you a support to
them.
Communication is critical to the
three other characteristics already discussed. It is how we share respect,
honesty and trust with a partner. Strong relationships demonstrate an openness
to conversation about all decisions in the relationship, particularly around
value-based decisions such as
sex.
Relating & Dating
Dating is not equivalent with a sexual relationship. Too
often, the words sex and intimacy are used interchangeably.
Intimacy is used to describe something of a personal and
private nature. While sexual intimacy is certainly personal and private,
emotional intimacy is a much more significant element of a healthy relationship.
Relating
implies an emotional intimacy between partners. What does dating mean? The
jury appears to be out among today’s college students.
Relating & Dating Under the Influence
From formals to parties, the likelihood of meeting someone
at an event where alcohol is being consumed is fairly high. One of the negative
aspects of mixing too much alcohol with relating and dating is that it condenses
time. Things that usually happen in weeks may happen in hours. Because
inhibitions are lowered, people often feel more comfortable flirting, letting
someone know that they are “interested,” and even initiating a sexual
relationship.
However, when people have had too much to drink there is no
opportunity for respect, honesty, trust and communication to occur. Someone
under the influence may not be in a position to COMMUNICATE their desire to
be/not be sexually intimate and, on the flip side, may not be in a position to
HEAR that someone wants to be/not be sexually intimate. The result is often one
that results in shame, blame, and guilt “the morning after.” At its worst,
situations involving alcohol could also result in a
sexual assault.
Everyone
deserves to be in a healthy relationship, and everyone has the right to
demand a healthy relationship! To read more about your rights and
responsibilities in a relationship,
click here.
Dating Violence
Dating violence continues to be the most accurate indicator
of future partner abuse. Abuse that begins during dating often continues and
intensifies over the course of a relationship.
Dating violence is a pattern of violent behavior (physical,
emotional, or sexual) by one partner in a dating relationship toward the other
partner. Often, violence begins through emotional manipulation and escalates to
physical abuse.
Warning signs of dating violence include:
- Persistent and frequent personal injury
- Failing grades
- Dropping out of normal activities
- Avoiding friends and social events
- Indecision
- Change in dress and appearance
- Secrecy
- Avoiding eye contact
- Crying spells
- Sudden change in mood or personality
- Fearfulness with regard to conversation about partner
Warning signs of an abusive partner include:
- Wants to get serious in a relationship very quickly
- Will not take “no” for an answer
- Is jealous and possessive
- Makes all the decisions for partner
- Dismisses other people’s feelings
- Wants to control partner’s activities
- Puts constant pressure on partner
- Demands to know where someone is at all times
- Uses guilt trips to emotionally manipulate partner
- Blames partner for behavior (e.g. “you made me do it”)
- Apologizes for violent behavior and promises not to do
it again
Resources
For more information about dating violence and how to help
a friend,
click here.
If you or someone you know is in a violent dating
relationship, the following resources are available to you on campus:
University Counseling Center for individual
counseling.
Public Safety
for reporting.
Office of Health Promotion for more information about dating
violence.
If you or someone you know is in a violent relationship,
the following resources are available to you in the community:
National
Coalition Against Domestic Violence
Rape, Abuse
and Incest National Network
Centers for
Disease Control and Prevention Family and Intimate Partner Violence Prevention
Team
Battered Women’s Justice Project, National Clearinghouse
for the Defense of Battered Women, Philadelphia, PA (800)903-0111
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