Friendship
Maintaining Friendships from High School
Building Friendships in College
Digital Friendships
Roommates
Maintaining Friendships from High School
The following letter was submitted anonymously by a
college student. It speaks to the difficulty in leaving old friends “behind” as
you start and continue your college experience, yet it also recognizes the
excitement of new friendships that develop out of change. Can you relate to
this letter?
Maybe the times have gone, the faces, I recall.
But things in this life change very slowly, if they ever change at all. The
scary part being that we've all been hit with change lately, and it doesn't seem
to have come slowly at all.
Do you remember the day you left home? I'm sure that you do. But I'll bet that
what you remember even more clearly, were the days in the week before you left.
You know...the days you spent getting addresses and phone numbers and trying to
figure out how to say good bye to everyone you've loved for as long as you could
remember.
Do you remember standing by your best friend's car one night, after midnight,
trying to sum up the meaning of a friendship you'd managed to maintain through
thick and thin for years? Do you remember how hard that was, to think of how to
say good bye to that person? It was nearly impossible, wasn't it, to give them
one last hug and turn around and walk inside?
I'll bet part of what you remember was the night before you left, kissing
your boyfriend or girlfriend good bye for one last time. Just knowing that you'd
have to turn around and walk back inside was almost motivation enough not to
leave at all. Stepping back to take one last look at that person you love--it's
really scary.
And you go and tell yourself that you won't find anyone new. You won't ever
replace your old friends. You'll never fall in love again. It's really crazy
what kinds of things can happen when you don't mean for them to.
You get to a new place full of strangers. You meet people who forget you. You
forget people you meet. But sometimes, you come across some extraordinarily
special people. They have tears to shed too. They left people behind. They're in
love with that guy or girl back where they used to live, and they all want
someone to talk to. So you talk.
Talk is good. You form bonds you never thought you'd form. You call your old
friends and tell them about the new ones. Sometimes, they don't understand.
Sometimes, you hurt their feelings. Sometimes everyone is just a bit jealous.
You miss your boyfriend or your girlfriend.
One day you're sitting in the park, thinking about all that stuff you really
didn't want to leave, and a stranger sits down near you. Sometimes that person
stays a stranger. Other times you talk to him or her. Sometimes you experience
things you didn't want to ever happen. Sometimes you're interested in that
person who isn't your boyfriend or girlfriend at home. Sometimes college is
really complicated.
Sometimes you stay together. Other times you break up. Sometimes you think
you've done the wrong thing by coming so far away from home. And sometimes when
you start thinking like this, it's time to make a change. So when this happens,
you sit down, put The Eagles in the stereo and turn on "Sad Cafe," and wonder if
you still recall all the faces from your past. If you do, you're doing well.
So you pick up the phone, and you call them all just to say, "Hi, I love you,
I'm thinking about you." And then just as an afterthought, you say, "You know,
I'm really learning a lot from college. I wish you'd come here to visit all of
my friends. They're very important to me, and I think they'd love you. You'd
love them. Because after all, this is college.
College is a growing experience. Growing experiences cause change. Change is
hard. But it makes you stronger. Call your mom. Call your best friend. Call your
boyfriend or girlfriend. Or your ex, if that's how it worked out. Tell them
hello. Tell them you miss them. Tell them you love them. And then, turn off the
stereo, leave your residence hall. Go to a friend's room, give them a big hug,
and say, "Thank you so much for being here. I love you." I promise you'll feel
better.
Building Friendships in
College
You may already have a group of
friends, but there are so many people at Villanova who don’t know you yet!
Expand your horizons and get to know other people during your time at
Villanova. Here are some quick tips to get you going:
-Be outgoing and friendly!
-Introduce yourself to the
other people living on your floor and in the same classes.
-Introduce yourself to other
people at social, sporting and campus events.
-Invite people who you
recognize from your floor, class or events to sit with you at meals.
-Study in groups.
-Join campus organizations that
appeal to you.
Click here
for the many student organizations available to you or contact them to start
your own organization.
-Start an intramural team and
invite others to participate.
-Explore fraternity and
sorority life.
Click here for more information about recruitment.
-Get out! There is much
more to do beyond Villanova’s campus.
Click here
for ideas!
College is a time to branch
out, to get to know yourself through your involvement with others who are
different from you, and to develop to your highest potential. Get the most
out of your Villanova experience by getting to know your peers and building
new friendships!
Digital Friendships
According to the Pew Internet
Project, college students are twice as likely to use instant messenger on
any given day than the average Internet user. The project also reported
that over 75% of college students check their email at least once a day.
This digital presence in the lives of college students today is undeniable,
and it has most certainly pervaded the maintenance and development of
friendships.
College students report the use
of email, instant messenger, text messaging and other similar digital means
as a non-intrusive and less vulnerable way to communicate with friends.
Whereas past generations had to rely on more traditional means of
communicating with friends, the current generation has all but abandoned
hallmarks of the past with letters, care packages, and lengthy phone
conversations.
Many college students report
physical and psychological apprehension when they can expect to have a
person-to-person or phone conversation with someone, particularly around
important matters. It can be more difficult to interpret someone’s tone and
expression through a digital conversation, but many students would rather
work with ambiguity than with immediate in-person confrontation with another
person.
Therefore, it is important to
explore ways to stay in touch with friends other than digital means. Take
the time out to try some of the more traditional means of communication –
send your best friend a care package or a card – or establish traditions
with your college friends that allow you to get together fairly routinely to
catch up with each other like getting together for breakfast every morning.
Nothing can replace having a real-time, in-person conversation with someone
you care about and who cares about you. Can instant messenger give you a
hug or laugh with you? Fill in the digital missing link with some
old-fashioned friendship.
For more information about
on-line social networking,
click here.
A Word about Roommates
The roommate relationship can be the most rewarding and
challenging relationship you will experience in college. It is important to
recognize that roommates are not always friends with each other; however, at
a minimum, roommates should demonstrate respect for one another. Below are
some tips for getting along with your roommate(s):
-Have realistic expectations – you do not have to be
best friends to live together.
-Approach the living situation with an open mind.
-Speak in a calm, collective voice when you have
concerns. Do not allow concerns to accumulate.
-You and your roommate(s) were probably not raised in
identical home environments. -Understand that your shared living experience
will likely be very different for both of you.
-Be willing to compromise.
-Be nice to your roommate and their guest(s) – it’s the
golden rule.
-If you are uncomfortable or unable to approach your
roommate(s) about a concern, talk with your RA about mediating or
facilitating a conversation.
-Be patient with yourself and your roommate(s).
If you need more ideas about
how get along with your roommate,
click here.
If you have an unresolved problem or need to talk with someone, consider
making an appointment to talk with someone at the
Counseling
Center.
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